Back to the grind 💪

Bad day to be a spreadsheet. Across the country, it’s a terrible day to be a spreadsheet as Excel is set to take a kicking as the army of Teapotters descend on work for the first Monday of the year. Month-end, year-end, you name it, we’re right here with you.

It was a similarly bad day to be a treble twenty on Friday as Luke Little became the youngest World Darts Champion, taking home a cool £500k win bonus at just 17 years of age. Hopefully, that doesn’t rub any salt in the wound of your annual bonus not paying out this year?

MARKETS

Data: Google Finance, 5-day Market Close

Notable UK earnings this week: Shoe Zone Plc (SHOE)

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PROJECT WATCH

🏠 Wates wins £75m Hampshire contract to build 381 homes Read more

🚢 Lloyd’s Register approves design concept for HJSC ammonia carrier ship. Read more

ECONOMY & FINANCE

High street humbug
It was a “drab December” for UK high streets, with the British Retail Consortium (BRC) reporting a 2.2% drop in footfall compared to December 2023 (the second consecutive year of decline). Shopping centres took the hardest hit — footfall plunged 3.3%, leaving empty corridors that would make Boxing Day deals echo louder than small change jingling in the tills. To rub salt in the commercial wound, online sales merrily rose by 6.1%, leaving the high street ghostlier than a Victorian Christmas tale.

While heavyweights like Tesco, Sainsbury’s, and Marks & Spencer are predicted to have held their ground, the same can’t be said for everyone. Shoe Zone (earnings this week) and Quiz issued profit warnings pre-Christmas.

Elsewhere, pubs and bars toasted modest festive sales growth of 2.7%. Apparently, few things can dampen a Brit’s resolve to throw back a pint, not even storms that sound like they were named by the local weatherman’s grumpy uncle.

Sterling slips
Not the most promising start to 2025 for the pound. Sterling’s having a bit of a wobble, falling to $1.24—its lowest level since April 2024. Turns out, the New Year hangover isn’t just for those of us who stayed up too late on Prosecco and ABBA. This slump has been driven by gloomy economic data here at home and, frankly, the US dollar flexing its muscles like it’s just joined a gym in January.

In 2024, the pound gave its best effort, snatching the title of best-performing G10 currency against the dollar—a bit like being the least chaotic contestant on The Apprentice. But 2025 already looks foggier than the view from Blackpool Tower on a drizzly day. Whether sterling can recover its swagger or we’ll all just have to get used to our euros costing more on summer holiday remains to be seen.

POLITICS

New laws set sail to sink the smugglers and capsize criminal networks
In the government’s latest salvo against people smugglers, Home Secretary Yvette Cooper announced sweeping new powers to clamp down on “vile gang networks”. Under proposed interim Serious Crime Prevention Orders, suspects could face phone and social media bans, travel restrictions, and financial freezes—all before court approval. Cooper called the measures essential to disrupt smugglers profiting from perilous English Channel crossings, where 2024 saw a record 36,816 arrivals and 78 known deaths.

With small boats carrying increasingly desperate migrants in unseaworthy conditions, the stakes are higher than ever. Whether these measures sink or swim depends on their ability to balance enforcement with compassion—something previous policies have struggled to keep afloat.

Farage, Musk, and a royal shake-up?
Elon Musk’s growing entanglement in British politics hit a new high this week as he called on King Charles to dissolve Parliament, citing the government’s handling of grooming gang scandals. Musk accused Prime Minister Keir Starmer of complicity over his time as Director of Public Prosecutions and demanded safeguarding minister Jess Phillips resign for rejecting a government-led inquiry in Oldham.

Nigel Farage, eager to position himself as Musk’s political confidant, defended the X owner’s “tough terms”, hailing his platform as a bastion of free speech. As Farage distanced himself from some of Musk’s recent interests, like Tommy Robinson, the Reform UK leader embraced the tech tycoon’s power to “spark debate”.

Against this backdrop, 20 Labour councillors in Nottinghamshire quit the party, accusing Starmer of abandoning Labour’s core values. It’s unclear if these dominoes signal broader unrest—but one thing’s certain: Musk and Farage are reshaping Britain’s political discourse, one Xeet at a time.

ACROSS THE POND

America gets steely with Nippon
US President Joe Biden has slammed the door on Nippon Steel's planned $14.9 billion (£12bn) acquisition of US Steel, citing national security concerns. Given Biden's penchant for keeping things American, the decision is a bit like keeping your Christmas crackers strictly made in Blighty.

The announcement has caused an uproar across the Pacific, with Japan's government dubbing the decision "incomprehensible." The Japanese industry minister’s serious tone suggests this diplomatic dent might linger like an unwanted holiday guest.

In Pennsylvania, the United Steelworkers union is singing Biden's praises reckoning the move safeguards American steelworker’s futures. Biden, like a vigilant elf keeping foreign steel from sneaking into the US, has ordered the companies to dismantle the deal within 30 days.

Biden set to award Presidential Medal of Freedom
It is that time again when the President picks a bunch of their favourite people and gives them a certificate to stick on the fridge. In more grandeur terms - Joe Biden has selected 19 people to honour for their contribution to American society. Some of those choices may count themselves lucky, as they’re not thought to be the good books of the incoming President-elect - Nancy Pelosi and Hilary Clinton are both set to receive the award.

Lionel Messi and Bono are both on the list too - Mr Biden must’ve appreciated the free U2 album in his iTunes a while back. Full list on the Washington Post here.

TECH

Hey Siri, stop spilling secrets
It’s been a rough week for Apple, whose AI projects are in hot water on multiple fronts. First up: Apple agreed to pay $95m to settle claims that Siri’s accidental eavesdropping recorded private conversations and shared them with advertisers. Plaintiffs say these uninvited recordings led to eerily well-timed targeted ads—like casually musing over a cuppa about the world’s best newsletter, only to see The Teapot steep into your feed minutes later.

But Siri isn’t Apple’s only AI causing trouble. Its news summarisation tool has been churning out headlines with all the accuracy of a pub quiz guesser. It falsely declared darts player Luke Littler had won the PDC World Championship before the final was even played, it also misattributed a story about a Brazilian tennis player coming out as gay to Rafael Nadal, and last month it falsely claimed Luigi Mangione, the New York CEO murder suspect, had fatally shot himself.

Apple’s woes aren’t confined to Siri’s antics. Sluggish sales in China have forced the company into the unthinkable: offering rare iPhone discounts to stave off Huawei’s surging competition. It seems Siri isn’t the only one under pressure to perform.

A VR-y small step for micekind
Forget virtual safaris or battling aliens—scientists at Cornell University have built tiny VR headsets for lab mice, cheesily dubbed MouseGoggles. Using off-the-shelf smartwatch screens and itsy-bitsy lenses, researchers have created an immersive setup to better study rodent brains. Picture a mouse rocking goggles that scream, “The future is now, rodent brethren!”

When faced with an ominous, expanding dark predator-shaped blotch, the mice jumped in terror—a reaction missing in older, clunky projector setups. Researchers believe these findings could unlock new insights into brain activity, spatial navigation, and how mammals process complex neurological challenges, potentially leading to a better understanding of diseases like Alzheimer’s.

WORLD

Chile’s chilliest claim
Chile’s President Gabriel Boric became the first Latin American leader to visit the South Pole this week, touching down at the Amundsen-Scott Station with a mission as bold as the freezing temperatures: reaffirming Chile’s territorial claim to a slice of Antarctica.

Chile’s claim to part of Antarctica, like that of six other nations, exists in a frosty diplomatic stalemate under the 1961 Antarctic Treaty, which governs the continent as a neutral zone for science and peace. But Boric’s visit isn’t just a publicity stunt—it’s a statement of intent, as global interest in the icy expanse grows.

Boric now joins an exclusive club of leaders who’ve braved Antarctica’s harshest climates. Not bad for a man whose country’s relationship with the South Pole might just warm up geopolitics down the line.

Syrian women front lining change
As Syria emerges from the collapse of Bashar al-Assad’s regime last month, activists like Ghalia Rahhal are seizing the moment to push for women’s equality. Rahhal, who once risked her life training female leaders in refugee camps, now watches from Berlin as women’s groups fight for representation in a transitional government dominated by Islamist HTS.

From grassroots organising to the appointment of Syria’s first female central bank head, progress is being made. But challenges remain, as activists push for systemic change to ensure women play a decisive role in shaping the nation’s future.

QUIZ TIME

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Cuppa Chat: Cheat Sheet

🎸🌟 Neil Young is confirmed as a Glastonbury headliner after initially pulling out due to concerns over the BBC's involvement. He announced the reversal after receiving corrected information and will perform on the iconic Pyramid Stage.

🎭📺 Ross Kemp returns to EastEnders as Grant Mitchell for the soap's 40th anniversary in an "explosive" storyline.

🦁👦 A seven-year-old boy, Tinotenda Pudu, was found alive after surviving five days in a lion-infested Zimbabwean game park. Using his knowledge of wildlife, he accessed water by digging along a riverbank and sustained himself with wild fruits.

🎶🔒 A hacker admitted to stealing unreleased music by artists like Coldplay, Shawn Mendes, and Bebe Rexha, earning £42,000 by selling them online.