Happy Monday. At times it is important to remember we have more in common than we do that divides us - and last weeks example of this is apparently our appetite to watch Melania in cinemas.

The “not allowed to be called a documentary” about Donald Trump’s wife (and current US First Lady), arrived in UK cinemas and promptly pulled in just £32,974 from 155 cinemas — a screen average of £212.80. Sounding less “blockbuster” and more “forgotten Nectar points”.

Notable UK earnings this week: AstraZeneca (AZN), Barclays (BARC), Dunelm (DNLM), Wynnstay Group (WYN).

Notable US earnings this week: Coca-Cola (KO), Ford (F), Spotify (SPOT), McDonald’s (MCD), Cisco Systems (CSCO), Coinbase (COIN), Airbnb (ABNB).

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BoE votes to hold interest rates
The Bank of England has kept the base rate parked at 3.75% — as expected — but it wasn’t the snooze-fest many predicted. The Monetary Policy Committee split 5–4, which in central banking terms is basically a bar brawl conducted in politely-worded minutes. Four members wanted a 25bp cut to 3.5%, only to be outvoted by Andrew Bailey and the “not yet, thanks” brigade.

Bailey, once again the deciding vote (head honcho), insisted the Bank is trying to avoid getting mugged by inflation twice in the same decade. Inflation hit 3.4% in December, making a cut awkward — even for a committee that loves a complicated spreadsheet. Still, Bailey says the Bank now expects inflation to drift down towards 2% by spring, and hinted there’s “scope” for further reductions this year, assuming nothing explodes — economically or geopolitically.

This all lands as we trudge through early February, when Britain traditionally copes by buying slightly-too-expensive croissants and pretending we’ll “do Valentine’s sensibly this year”. Help may genuinely be on the way for borrowers: analysts reckon easing energy and transport costs, a looser labour market, and a fresh wave of cheaper Chinese imports could tip the balance towards a cut as soon as March — or April.

NatWest plotting Evelyn takeover
NatWest is circling a roughly £2.5bn takeover of Evelyn Partners, in what would be its biggest corporate buy since the 2008 bailout era — yes, that one, the financial equivalent of dropping your pint and still insisting you’re fine. Sky News reports the bank is in advanced talks this weekend, with an announcement potentially landing early next week.

Having returned to full private ownership last year, NatWest seems keen to prove it can do “grown-up banking” without the state holding its hand. City chatter puts the price between £2.5bn and £3bn for a business managing close to £65bn of client assets — and while that’s not loose change, it’s relatively modest against NatWest’s near-£52bn market cap and a share price up almost 50% over the last year.

School screens and silver screens
Smartphones in schools are on the chopping block once again - and this time, the House of Lords has added its voice to the digital detox. A Tory-led amendment to the Children’s Wellbeing and Schools Bill has passed, calling for phones to vanish not just in classrooms, but even during lunch and loo breaks. Education Secretary Bridget Phillipson insists schools must be phone-free zones.

Over in Parliament, a crumbling Palace threatens to become the UK’s most expensive game of Jenga. Plans to patch up the leaky, asbestos-laced, toilet-exploding Westminster estate could cost up to £40bn and take longer than 61 years, to be precise. The cheaper option? Evict MPs and Lords for a couple of decades. The more stubborn plan? Fix it bit by bit while the aristocracy stays put and the walls quietly collapse. If indecision were infrastructure, we’d be sorted.

Cells, carers and century-old clauses
Scotland’s prisons are bursting at the bars. With inmate numbers surging, ministers are being urged to discourage jail terms under two years. Justice Secretary Angela Constance is eyeing alternatives like community justice, early releases, and the radical notion that prison might not always be the answer - especially when a quarter of the population hasn’t even been convicted yet.

Down south, the foster care system is in full-blown crisis mode. The government is dangling £88 million in front of potential carers, promising modernisation, less red tape, and actual support - novel! With nearly 100,000 children in care and only half as many fostering households, the math doesn’t add up. Carers are leaving in droves, citing burnout, bureaucracy, and bills. Carers need perhaps a standing ovation, if not a pay rise.

Finally, the assisted dying bill might just rise from the legislative ashes, thanks to the rarely-invoked Parliament Act of 1911. If the Lords block it again, MPs could simply wait a year and push it through without them. It's an old-school workaround for a modern moral dilemma. Seven bills have taken this rebellious route before - could this be lucky number eight? That depends on parliamentary ballots, political will, and whether the Commons fancies a showdown with the velvet benches. One thing’s for sure: death, taxes, and Westminster wrangling remain life’s certainties.

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Netflix WB antitrust case rumbles on
Netflix had a slightly frosty reception in Washington this week as it tried to convince US lawmakers that its proposed $82bn (£61bn) takeover of Warner Bros Discovery is a win for viewers, workers and the wider entertainment industry. The Senate antitrust subcommittee—rarely a cuddle-fest, but notably bipartisan on this one—worried the deal could shrink competition, nudge prices upwards and leave cinemas as lonely as a Blockbuster on a rainy Tuesday.

If approved by the Department of Justice, the merger would hand Netflix the keys to Warner Bros’ film and TV studios, plus HBO Max. Meanwhile, Paramount Skydance is still hovering with a competing bid, like someone insisting their round is “definitely coming” while you watch them order another sparkling water.

Senators grilled Netflix co-chief executive Ted Sarandos on the big anxieties: what happens to theatres, what happens to subscription bills, and what happens to the people actually making the stuff we watch. Sarandos promised a 45-day theatrical window for Warner Bros releases—today’s industry standard—and said Netflix would run the studio “largely as it is today”, which in corporate-speak means “don’t panic… yet”.

Clampdown on copycat weight-loss pills
Telehealth firm Hims & Hers has binned plans to sell a compounded “Wegovy-style” weight‑loss pill, just two days after unveiling it — proving once again that in pharma, moving fast and breaking things usually ends with a strongly worded letter and a solicitor on hold. The U‑turn came a day after the US Food and Drug Administration signalled it’s ready to clamp down on access to the active ingredients used to copy blockbuster GLP‑1 drugs such as Wegovy, Ozempic and Zepbound.

On Thursday, Hims said it would offer a compounded version of Novo Nordisk’s newly launched Wegovy pill. Novo, understandably thrilled about the idea of someone flogging a near‑lookalike, promptly threatened legal action. Then the FDA piled in on Friday, indicating it would take “decisive steps” to restrict the supply of key ingredients used in these copycat concoctions — the regulatory equivalent of slamming the pub door during last orders.

Digital dragons and euro fire-breathers
Europe’s had it with the social media sandbox. Spain’s PM Pedro Sánchez has proposed banning under-16s from platforms entirely, and wants to hold execs personally liable for online harms. But this isn’t just a Spanish standoff. Australia already booted kids off socials, and the UK, Denmark, and Greece are flirting with bans too.

Over in Brussels, the EU is eyeing TikTok - not for what’s on it, but how it’s designed. Autoplay, infinite scroll, AI-powered feeds: the Commission says it’s no longer just toxic content, it’s toxic design. TikTok could be slapped with a fine worth 6% of its global earnings unless it rewires its platform for wellbeing over watch-time.

As if that weren’t enough chaos, South Korean crypto exchange Bithumb decided to fat-finger its way into financial farce, accidentally gifting users $40bn in bitcoin instead of $1.37. For 35 delirious minutes, hundreds of users were richer than Croesus. Then reality struck, and the tokens vanished faster than a poorly-hedged NFT. Glitch, not hack, they insist - though regulators are now hovering like hawks.

Platform panic and free speech theatre
Things are getting litigious for X. French cybercrime police raided the company's Paris HQ. Both Elon Musk and ex-CEO Linda Yaccarino have been summoned for a little tête-à-tête with justice. Musk, naturally, is calling it all a political vendetta. Regulators, less impressed with free speech cosplay, are sharpening their teeth under the Digital Services Act.

Meanwhile, the UK’s data watchdog has launched its own probe into Musk’s AI tool Grok, following claims it helped create explicit deepfakes using real images of women - without their knowledge or consent. Telegram’s Durov also chimed in, accusing France of persecuting any platform offering “freedom”.

Golden years and silver screen spells
Singapore just served up prestige court drama - a 97-year-old company chairman, and secret-lover-extraordinaire, was declared mentally fit to marry. His second son tried to block the nuptials, claiming his dad was non compos mentis.

In China, the Year of the Horse has galloped in with the most unexpected mascot: Draco Malfoy. The character's Chinese translation - Ma-er-fu - conveniently contains the words for “horse” and “fortune”, making him 2026’s poster-boy for prosperity. Cue Malfoy couplets, upside-down fuzi, and door stickers bearing that signature sneer.

Even Tom Felton himself has taken note, reposting the trend and probably wondering how he ended up as both Slytherin’s poster child and a people’s prod for good luck. A New Year with magical elements, indeed - one Alohomora away from being a certified cultural export.

Olympic fire and social media smoke
Milan's Winter Olympics were barely underway before things got heated - and not just from the flame. Protesters, angry over rising housing costs and environmental destruction, took to the streets. About 10,000 marched peacefully… until a splinter group of masked demonstrators broke off, hurling firecrackers and bottles near the Santagiulia ice hockey rink.

Police responded with tear gas and water cannons. Trees (or cardboard cutouts thereof) were marched in memory of those lost to Olympic infrastructure. Some signs also took aim at the odd presence of US immigration agents on Italian soil - nothing says international peace like ICE at the Olympics.