Crocs away! 🐊

Happy Monday. In a twist no one saw coming, the banks of the Trent and Mersey Canal in Derbyshire hosted what at first looked like a bona-fide UK croc sighting. An angler reeling in his catch thought he’d pulled a 3-foot predator from the depths. Without wanting to guess the words he must’ve shouted, it sent local bobbies into full “emergency croc hunt” mode.

Verdict? It turned out the beast was taxidermy stuffed with hay. More fluff than fang, but still a cracking headline, and a Teapot intro sorted - jackpot!

MARKETS

Data: Google Finance, 5-day Market Close

Notable UK earnings this week: Barclays (BARC), Lloyds Banking Group (LLOY), Natwest Group (NWG), Zegona Communications (ZEG), Softcat (SCT).

Notable US earnings this week: Tesla (TSLA), Netflix (NFLX), Procter & Gamble (PG), IBM (IBM), Coca-Cola (KO).

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PROJECT WATCH

🏗️ £1.7bn town centre overhaul for Lewisham. Read more

🚂 HS2 completes Brimingham tunnel breakthrough. Read more

☢️ First reactor installed at Hinkley Point C. Read more

BUSINESS & FINANCE

Economy steams ahead at turtle-neck speed
In August, the UK economy tiptoed forward at a snail’s pace, inching up by a mere 0.1%. Despite a shiny 0.4% boost in production, services clung to the status quo, and construction decided to take a 0.3% detour southwards, confirmed the Office for National Statistics. No medals for participation here, as economists quoted by Reuters expected a sluggish shuffle of 0.1% anyway.

Forecasts suggest the third-quarter GDP release in November is set to add some drama to our lukewarm growth saga. After hustling it out for a 0.3% rise in the second quarter thanks to the pre-tariff turbocharge, the economy now seems content with hitting the snooze button. The high-flying dream of 0.7% growth in the first stanza of 2025 might remain just that—a dream.

With thoughts turning to the Bank of England's crystal ball gaze on November 6th, the big question is: will they tinker with rates to give the economy a shot of adrenaline, or will inflation’s pesky persistence lock their toolkit? With inflation lounging at 3.8%, rate cuts aren't quite the open buffet they used to be.

£21m Telling off for Royal Mail
Royal Mail, our esteemed posties, have been dinged with a £21 million fine for the mailing blunders that have become their yearly tradition. The fine, of course, doubles last year's ding, because who doesn’t love a bit of inflation?

It seems that delivering a mere 77% of first-class postage and 92.5% of second-class mail on time just isn’t cutting the mustard against a target of 93% and 98.5% respectively. Quite the plot twist, Ofcom already lowered expectations to 90% and 95%, yet Royal Mail still managed to trundle in late.

This punishment is only the third-largest fine levied by Ofcom, but let's not underplay it—it still would have been £30 million had Royal Mail not confessed their letterly sins.

POLITICS

ID or not ID: that is the digital question
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer, the UK's first digital IDs, launched this week, starting with veterans, with plans to digitise everything from passports to your nan’s National Insurance card by 2027. But while ministers showed off their techy triumph at the Tower of London (because nothing screams "modernity" like a 1,000-year-old castle), thousands weren’t having it.

Protesters marched through London on Saturday, decrying the plan as digital overreach, with slogans warning this might be "the last real choice you ever make". David Davis MP compared the tech to a state-sponsored strip search, while the PM insists it’s just about stopping dodgy dinghies and dodgy right-to-work docs. Either way, civil liberties are once again having a very British identity crisis.

HIV Prevention Gets a Jab of Hope
A once-every-two-months injection, named CAB-LA, has been greenlit by the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) for use in England and Wales, offering an alternative to daily PrEP pills for those who can’t swallow the current protocol for fighting the virus’s virulence and virality.

Health Secretary Wes Streeting is aiming to end transmissions by 2030, and this injectable option adds a powerful tool to the UK’s medical arsenal. It's less about needles and more about nailing public health progress, with over 111,000 already accessing PrEP last year, CAB-LA could push the numbers in the right direction.

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ACROSS THE POND

Bolton in hot water (not the Wanderers)
Donald Trump's former adviser, John Bolton, is pointing the finger at the former president again, alleging that the charges against him for storing classified information are a cunning attempt to silence the opposition. Who knew filing secrets would lead to fiery accusations and a potential extended stay in Uncle Sam's slammer?

Bolton, once a vocal critic fired from Trump's first administration, is now charged with unauthorised storage and transmission of government secrets. This could mean trading his pinstriped suits for prison jumpsuits and decades without the ability to give critique freely. The spotlight shines on the accusations, as Bolton decries the charges as yet another example of the egregious abuse of power by Trump. A transatlantic tale of tea-throwing magnitude, perhaps?

“Millions” turn out for anti-Trump “No Kings” protest
The “No Kings” protests—aptly named for their stance against perceived monarchical behaviour in the White House—swept across America, turning cities like New York and Seattle into hotbeds of inventive dissent. With inflatable effigies and clever costumes, protesters expressed their disapproval, portraying the President as a king in shackles and certainly not Prince Charming.

These demonstrations are a direct response to what organisers argue is an authoritarian turn that shadows the Trump administration’s return to the White House amidst a government shutdown.

Trump has reacted in typically unbelievably believable fashion - posting an AI generated video of himself wearing a crown, flying a fighter jet, and dropping brown sludge on protestors. Prime Ministers over here are often called boring, sometimes it feels like that’s not a bad thing!

TECH

Public-ready robotaxis London launch confirmed, Europe’s first
London’s black cabs are about to get some sleek, silent competition. Waymo, Alphabet's (Google's owners’) self-driving venture, is bringing its robotaxi fleet to the capital in its first European outing. Already everywhere in the US, armed with autonomous Jaguars, it plans to hit the streets next year. Nothing says British scepticism like "we'll believe it when it doesn’t crash into a Pret".

It’s all part of London’s “Vision Zero” plan to reduce traffic deaths, though locals and local cabbies may need more convincing than a Google press release. Still, with Waymo’s track record and a fleet cleaner than a cabbie’s declared cash income, the future may just arrive without a bump.

Apple’s pole position: F1 streaming sees the chequered flag
Apple’s latest bite? The U.S. rights to Formula 1, sealed with a $750m vroom-vroom of approval. Starting in 2026, American Apple TV users will get all F1 sessions live as part of their regular subscription, no pit stops or paywalls, just pure petrolhead pleasure.

The tech giant’s love affair with speed was fuelled by the success of its record-breaking Brad Pitt-led F1 film, revving up the box office and Apple’s Vision Pro sales alike. Now, Apple’s got its foot down for a long-haul ride with the sport, and they’re not slowing for corners.

Musk’s Mars rockets on
SpaceX’s Starship survived its 11th test flight with a halfway-round-Earth joyride and a dignified splashdown. Elon Musk’s plan? A mega-fleet of reusable Starships shuttling humans, humanoids, and buckets of building material to Mars like it's a cosmic Uber service.

This isn’t just one rocket destined for a museum; Musk wants hundreds, launching countless times a day during orbital windows, landing themselves with robotic “chopsticks”, refuelling, and off again before you can say “interplanetary commute”.

NASA’s also hitching a ride: Artemis II is set to orbit the Moon in February 2026, with Artemis III aiming to put astronauts back on the lunar surface before the year’s out, both aboard man-rated Starships. It’ll be the first Moonwalk since Apollo 17 in 1972.

The Mars playbook? Warm up the frosty red planet, set up camp, and get busy. Five Starships are scheduled to launch toward Mars in 2026, packed with Tesla’s Optimus humanoids primed for labour. So next time you’re wedged on the Tube, spare a thought for the robot builders with a 140-million-mile commute. Suddenly, your Monday morning commute doesn’t seem quite so bad.

WORLD

King Charles crosses the aisle (and the Tiber)
Next week, King Charles will make divine history by praying with Pope Leo beneath Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel ceiling, the first British monarch to do so in over 500 years. It’s a holy handshake across centuries of schism, as Anglican and Catholic choirs join voices under that famously frescoed roof.

The service will spotlight their shared love of faith and, naturally, the environment, even at the Vatican, Charles won’t miss a chance to don green team. The King will also pick up a spiritual title at St Paul’s Outside the Walls, cementing his role as Britain’s eco-ecumenical bridge-builder. Henry VIII would be spinning in his crypt.

Veiled tensions
Portugal’s parliament has backed a burka ban proposed by the Chega party, citing “women’s rights” and “security”, though critics say it’s little more than a cultural curtain call. With fines up to €4,000, the move aligns Portugal with France, Belgium, and others in Europe’s ongoing identity debate.