Dire times 🐺

Happy Monday. Some good news and bad news from last week - scientists at Colossal Laboratories & Biosciences have brought back an animal from extinction, 10,000 years later - the bad news, it’s a wolf. What could go wrong?

The six week old dire wolf pups (yep, same ones Jon Snow had), might not be quite authentic - scientists manipulated the DNA of a grey wolf, engineering genetic sequences to match the dire wolf. But they look, walk, howl and act like the real thing.

MARKETS

Data: Google Finance, 5-day Market Close

Notable UK earnings this week: Sainsbury (SBRY), WH Smith (SMWH), S&U (SUS), Integrated Diagnostic Holdings (IDHC).

Notable US earnings this week: United Health Group (UNH), Netflix (NFLX), Johnson & Johnson (JNJ), American Express (AXP).

📈📉

PROJECT WATCH

🏙️ Dobis to start £350m central Manchester towers construction in 2025. Read more

🌊 UK first carbon capture and storage test passes with flying colours. Read more

🗺️ Muse submits £450m plan for Oldham regeneration. Read more

ECONOMY & FINANCE

I’m going to Disneyland Bedford
Universal has officially picked Bedford as the future home of its first European theme park and resort. Yes, you read that right. Bedford, over any sin-kissed Mediterranean clime. Apparently, the flatlands of Bedfordshire are ripe for a £multi-billion fantasy overhaul - expecting to generate £50bn for the British economy.

Set to rise from the dust of the old Kempston Hardwick brickworks – perfect for those nostalgic for post-industrial charm – the 476-acre site will kick off construction in 2026. Expect a work frenzy hotter than a Hollywood shoot-out, with 20,000 jobs up for grabs and 5,000 workers swarming the site at its peak. That’s right – one minute it’s bricks, the next it’s Hogwarts wands, James Bond and themed hotel rooms.

No pressure, but the park’s slated to open its gates in 2031 with an expected 8.5 million visitors storming local roads. Thankfully, the government’s chipping in with infrastructure investment – because let’s face it, Bedford’s current transport system probably couldn’t handle 8.5 million midweek.

GDP growth spurt in February
The UK economy had a little early spring in its step in February. GDP rose by 0.5%, the fastest monthly growth we’ve seen in nearly a year, and well ahead of the 0.1% expected by economists, who might need to polish their crystal balls. While encouraging - all major sectors contributed to the growth - it may be temporary due to the added help from US customers bulk buying before Trump tariffs came into play.

Deputy Governor of the Bank of England, Sarah Breeden, however warned those tariffs from across the pond could have a “chilling effect” on output — and it’s not the nice, refreshing pint-in-a-beer-garden-type chill. More like frostbite to exports.

POLITICS

Scunthorpe’s Great British Steel stand-off
The UK government has taken a firm grip on British Steel, stealing the show from its Chinese owners. After Chinese conglomerate Jingye refused a hefty government aid package – and allegedly began flogging off raw materials like a dodgy market stall vendor – emergency legislation was rushed through in a rare Saturday sitting of Parliament. The last time MPs were summoned on a Saturday? The Falklands War. Yes, this is serious steel.

The Scunthorpe site, home to the UK’s only blast furnaces capable of producing virgin steel (the good stuff, not the recycled remix), was on the brink of closure, risking 3,500 jobs and the nation’s industrial soul. The Labour government, in its industrial knight-in-shining-armour moment, rode in to take charge – with Business Secretary Jonathan Reynolds declaring the steel sector too “sensitive” for Chinese control. Meanwhile, Sir Keir Starmer was spotted in his civvies, chatting with steelworkers and possibly Googling “how to run a furnace”.

It’ll smelt a £233m dent in the coffers, but Reynolds reckons collapse, shame, and a billion-quid cleanup’s worse. Nationalisation, he hints, might just forge a gleaming new path.

Mace moves & mental muddles in the Senedd
Over in Wales, the ceremonial gold mace – the blingy sceptre of democracy – has been gently bubble-wrapped and relocated as the Senedd makes way for an incoming political platoon. With 36 new MSs (Senedd equivalent MPs) arriving next year, the chamber is undergoing an extension more dramatic than a Welsh coastline. Costing a modest £2.8m, the refurb is designed to handle Wales' expanded devolution duties, with MSs temporarily shuffled back to their 1999 digs in Tŷ Hywel. Retro is in, after all.

But while builders hammer, tensions simmer. A Westminster-driven Mental Health Bill is being imposed on Wales, much to the dismay of Senedd purists. Critics argue that allowing London to legislate on devolved health matters "undermines" devolution and reduces MSs to glorified rubber-stampers. The Welsh government’s defence? Cross-border coherence, cariad – and less bureaucratic faff. Harmony? With London calling the shots, that’s a devolution duet off-key.

Sponsored

Global payroll complexity? Here’s the playbook.

Managing global payroll shouldn’t mean juggling vendors and compliance risks. Deel, recognized in the Gartner® Market Guide for Multicountry Payroll Solutions, helps finance teams automate payments, standardize reporting, and stay compliant in 100+ countries. Get key insights from industry experts to future-proof your payroll strategy.

Download the Report

ACROSS THE POND

Tariff-free tech
In what may seem like a marital counselling session between the US and China, Donald Trump has decided that certain love letters of technology—smartphones, computers, and their ilk—are exempt from his tariffs on Chinese goods. One might say this is the tech world's happiest 'chip' off the old block, considering Silicon Valley's multi-million donations to Trump's campaign.

A late-night release from U.S. Customs and Border Protection spelled it out: flash drives, semiconductors, and solar cells are free to cross the border unscathed by tariffs. Apple, with its assembly line ancestors based firmly in China, must be cracking open a celebratory bottle of bubbly—Silicon Valley-style, naturally.

This is no small matter for companies like Apple, Amazon, and Meta, whose considerable weight makes up a hefty chunk of the S&P 500. After Trump's tariff tango initially sent markets in a tizzy, their investors must be feeling like they’ve just found a five-pound note in an old coat pocket.

Nightmare on Wall Street? Democrats allege insider trading
Stocks have been on a bit of a rollercoaster—perhaps more of a freefall, really—since Trump’s recent tariff tango. On the 2nd of April, he unveiled what can only be described as a fiscal fireworks show: baseline tariffs on imports and a smattering of extra taxes on 60 countries. But as quickly as he laid them down, he picked them up again, announcing a 90-day reprieve, except for a notable increase on Chinese imports. Talk about moving the goalposts!

This dramatic pause sent the stock market on an unexpected joyride; the S&P 500 shot up over 9%. Investors were about as giddy as kids on Christmas morning. But not long after, the same indices did a nosedive worthy of a Shaun the Sheep slapstick scene.

Enter Senator Adam Schiff, wielding rhetoric sharper than a politician's handshake, calling for an examination for any whiff of insider trading or market meddling. Legal hawks are circling, alleging that those in the know on timing of tariff pauses stood to make a fortune as the market reacted to the news - loading up on lower prices and selling once the tariff pause was announced. Democrats were on it in a flash - Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has asked her peers to fess up about their recent purchases.

TECH

In the red and and gold corner
The future of fight night is here, and it's not in Vegas. Chinese robotics firm Unitree is prepping to live stream a silicon smackdown with the world’s first robot boxing match, starring its humanoid G1s in a toe-to-toe tango of titanium. It’s called Iron Fist King: Awakening! — which sounds like a lost binary Bruce Lee sequel. A montage of machine-versus-machine mayhem! With robot choreography this fluid, it's less RoboCop, more Strictly Come Sparring. Somewhere, Optimus Prime is furiously scribbling notes.

But while China programs punches, the US is punching back — with tariffs. Tesla, caught in the crosshairs of Trump's tariff tiff, has pulled the plug on new Model S and X orders in China. The website’s “Order Now” button has become “View Available Cars”, and, over in India, Apple is pulling off a logistical ballet. The tech giant discreetly airlifted 600 tonnes of iPhones to America in a bid to outmanoeuvre the tariff hike. That’s 1.5 million shiny little tariff-dodging rectangles. Turns out that when the trade war bites, Cupertino takes flight.

Meta mayhem and Muskian mischief
If the robot showdown wasn’t dramatic enough, the humans of Silicon Valley are having their own cage match. OpenAI has countersued Elon Musk, accusing him of trying to hijack the future of AI for his own ends. Musk allegedly wants to slow OpenAI down just enough for his own xAI to catch up.

Meanwhile, Meta finds itself in boiling water — again. A whistleblower claims Zuckerberg’s company played patty-cake with Beijing, allegedly handing over data and deleting dissenters’ profiles faster than you can say “algorithmic accountability”. The claim? Meta prioritised its $18bn Chinese ambitions over American security. Meta’s rebuttal: nothing to see here but standard censorship and an NDA or two. But with the whistleblower’s Careless People memoir out, it’s clear that from Musk’s AI antics to Zuck’s Beijing bingo, Silicon Valley’s wading through a farce thicker than a spam folder’s finest hour.

WORLD

Sentinelese standoff
Ah, the age-old traveller’s urge: see the sights, taste the food, disrespect a sovereign tribal boundary. An American tourist, armed with a coconut, a can of Diet Coke, and more misplaced confidence than common sense, was arrested after sneaking onto India's fiercely protected North Sentinel Island. Mykhailo Polyakov managed a brief five-minute footloose frolic before fleeing, having left “gifts” and possibly a sniffle on the shore.

North Sentinel is home to the Sentinelese – a tribe that’s been giving the middle finger to modernity for thousands of years. The island’s protected by a 5km no-go zone, enforced not just to keep the curious out, but to keep the tribe alive. Previous visitors, like missionary John Allen Chau in 2018, were met with arrows rather than Instagram likes.

India is now investigating how he pulled off his castaway cosplay, and whether any locals aided his journey. So far, the only confirmed souvenirs are some sand samples and a selfie.

Democratic disbandment & printed progress
In Hong Kong, the Democratic Party is preparing to disband after decades of defending freedoms promised under the “one country, two systems” deal. Beijing, it seems, has had enough of the party’s pesky existence. Founding members have been jailed, pressured, or politely nudged into silence – and Sunday’s vote may officially seal the party’s fate.

But where one symbol of hope flickers, another rises in cement – or at least in printed mortar. While the rest of the world’s political structures crumble under pressure, Japan’s quite literally printing its future, constructing the world’s first 3D-printed railway station in a mere six hours. Yes, six. The tiny Hatsushima Station in Arida may resemble a chic garden shed, but it’s earthquake-resistant, eco-friendly, and a technological marvel in the face of rural depopulation.

There’s still tea in the pot...
The Teapot weekly quiz

Cuppa Chat: Cheat Sheet

🏎️🔧 Top Gear's The Stig broke a 20-year-old lap record at Dunsfold Aerodrome in 55.9 seconds with the electric McMurtry Speirling Pure VP1. This new lap time surpasses the 2004 record of 59 seconds set in a Renault R24 Formula One car.

🧸👏 The repaired Paddington Bear statue has been unveiled to cheers in Newbury, Berkshire. RAF engineers Daniel Heath and William Lawrence were ordered to pay for damages after admitting to its prior vandalism.

🌿🏆 London ranks as the second-greenest city worldwide with 78 parks, trailing behind Tokyo's 159.

🔥🌍 March recorded its hottest temperatures ever in Europe, raising fears of severe heatwaves and wildfires this summer. Temperatures were 2.41°C above the average.

🚣‍♂️🚣‍♀️ Cambridge dominated the Boat Races, securing victories in both men's and women's events over Oxford. The men's team won by 17 seconds, while the women's team claimed their eighth consecutive win.

🎵👏 Sir Elton John's "Who Believes In Angels?" hits number one in the UK, marking his 10th chart-topping album.

🎭🇬🇧 A UK version of the US comedy show Saturday Night Live is set to launch next year.

🚴‍♂️🔥 Team GB's Kieran Reilly achieves two world-first BMX tricks in Manchester.