Is that you, Mariah? 🎶🎄

Morning all. While the developments in AI can leave us, at times, a little reluctant to think about what the future may bring - a new development for the here and now might be our favourite in a long while.

Daisy, an AI-generated grandma unveiled by O2, has the purest intention of wasting the time of phone scammers. Playing the role of a patient, trusting, albeit technologically challenged, grandmother - Daisy will have would-be phone scammers licking their lips at an opportunity too good to miss. The only downside for them - the bot will innocently talk them in frustrating circles, trying and failing to do as instructed, ultimately rendering their efforts fruitless. The sole reason being that while they’re scamming Daisy, they can’t be scamming you!

MARKETS

Data: Google Finance, 5-day Market Close

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PROJECT WATCH

🚅 £3bn of HS2 contract awards handed out. Read more

⚡ SP Energy Networks chooses 19 partners for £5.4bn for Scotland grid upgrades. Read more

🌊 Contract signed for fabrication of subsea cable storage baskets in Scotland. Read more

🔌 Helix wins work on UK subsea electricity superhighway. Read more

ECONOMY & FINANCE

Bitcoin bet or blockchain blunder for pensions?
Here’s a headline to make anyone approaching retirement age clutch their tea a little tighter: a major UK pension scheme has been blasted as “deeply irresponsible” for investing in Bitcoin. Yes, the same Bitcoin that's more unpredictable than the Northern Rail timetable. It seems some fund managers have swapped calculators for crystal balls, hoping to spin digital gold out of blockchain confusion. Spoiler alert: it’s not quite alchemy.

The criticism isn’t without merit. Pensions are meant to be the financial equivalent of a sturdy oak tree—safe, reliable, rooted in decades of growth. Instead, this feels more like betting the family heirlooms on a roulette table marked with Elon Musk tweets. It's no secret that Bitcoin’s value bounces around more than the BBC’s Christmas schedules. But who needs stability when you’ve got volatility dressed up as "innovation"?

Vauxhall’s Luton plant faces closure
Stellantis has announced plans to shutter its century-old Luton van factory, putting around 1,100 jobs on the chopping block. The carmaker behind Vauxhall and Peugeot laid the blame squarely at the feet of the UK’s rigid electric vehicle (EV) sales quotas. With a stiff deadline to ditch petrol and diesel cars by 2030, these rules apparently left Stellantis – and its Luton workers – running on empty.

The Luton plant, a stalwart of UK vehicle production since 1905, has been driven into a dead end despite earlier ambitions to convert operations to EV manufacturing. Instead, Stellantis is consolidating efforts at its Ellesmere Port site in Cheshire, where it plans to spend £50 million upgrading facilities. The move, they argue, will boost "efficiency" – though it’s cold comfort for the soon-to-be-displaced workers who’ve weathered over a century of car-building history.

The UK’s motor industry has seen a rocky ride lately, with Honda, Ford, and Jaguar Land Rover crashing into similar closures over the past decade. Just last week, Ford revved up worries by axing 800 jobs as EV sales sputtered below expectations, prompting calls for the government to apply the brakes on its tough EV policy.

POLITICS

Landmark Votes: it’s life and death
MPs have made history with two pivotal votes this week. First, the Assisted Dying Bill cleared its second reading, bringing the UK closer to legalising assisted dying. Introduced by Labour MP Kim Leadbeater, the bill now heads to the committee stage, where every clause will face intense scrutiny.

MPs also backed a phased smoking ban that could create the UK’s first smoke-free generation. Anyone currently 15 or younger could never legally buy cigarettes under the new Tobacco and Vapes Bill, which also tackles youth vaping with bans on advertising, sponsorships, and tempting flavours. Health Secretary Wes Streeting called it the "most significant public health intervention in a generation”.

Elon Musk eyes Reform UK
The week’s political intrigue didn’t stop at Parliament. Rumours abound that billionaire Elon Musk could bankroll Nigel Farage’s Reform Party in a bid to shake up British politics. Musk, a vocal critic of Prime Minister Keir Starmer, has reportedly bonded with Farage over shared ties to Donald Trump.

Using X to skirt foreign donation laws, Musk’s potential involvement has already ruffled feathers in Labour ranks. Combine that with his father’s claims that Labour has “sent England back to Tudor times”, and this saga is shaping up to be more dramatic than a Christmas soap special.

ACROSS THE POND

Trump tariff threat to BRIC nations
Donald Trump is back on stage with a tariff tantrum that could rival the latest season of your newest binge-watch. The President-elect has threatened to impose a hefty 100% tariff on Brics nations should they create an alternative to the US dollar. Let's remember, the Brics club— home to the bustling markets of Brazil, Russia, India, China, and South Africa—already has expanded to include Egypt, the UAE, Ethiopia, and Iran.

He took to the well-trodden stage of his social media platform, Truth Social, warning that defying Uncle Sam could turn playing in the US economy’s garden into a no-go zone. With all the charm of a pantomime villain, he declared that nations could either comply or find "another sucker". Sounds like the plot to a soap opera, doesn't it?

In October, Vladimir Putin voiced a desire for a global payment system to put the US dollar on the naughty step. But some are wary of the backlash a split from the dollar might bring, which is as integral to world finance as marmalade is to Paddington Bear.

Macy’s earnings delayed by single employee hiding +$130m
Macy's, the American retail giant—more renowned for Christmas parades than creative accounting shenanigans. But this time, it's not a festive float but over $130m that was quietly swept under the stockroom rug. Astonishingly, one solo employee pulled off this financial vanishing trick over the past three years, delaying the financial report for the whole company.

Responsible for tracking expenses in small package deliveries, this individual really took playing Santa to the next level. But fear not, Macy's believes it won't be a Grinch to its commitments or ruin any firm-to-firm festive arrangements. Yet, one might argue that this incident adds a certain 'unique' sparkle to their annual holiday strategy, much like your grandmother's Christmas jumper.

The sleight-of-accountant has since left the Macy's stage, or more accurately, is "no longer employed". While official responses remain as thin as a cracker hat, one can hazard a guess that employment termination might be fair enough in this case.

TECH

Banana peeled
The duct-taped artwork, Comedian, which sold for $6.2m has been scoffed by one Justin Sun. He compared the stunt to the abstract value of NFTs while handing out bananas and duct tape to the crowd.

Down under: teens vs. tech timeout
Australia is banning under-16s from social media platforms like TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram. Critics call it unenforceable and privacy-invasive, but Prime Minister Anthony Albanese insists it’s about safeguarding kids. Meanwhile, LinkedIn is gleefully sitting out the debate, claiming it’s far too dull to attract teens in the first place.

The bark behind the bark
Move over Sherlock, there’s a new sleuth in town, and he’s sniffing out tree trouble. Ivor, a six-year-old cocker spaniel-labrador cross, is the UK’s first dog trained to detect the (phytophthora-ramorum) pathogen, a deadly organism that threatens over 150 plant species. After rigorous training and an impressive 89% first-time detection rate, Ivor has proven that paws-on-the-ground biosecurity could be a game-changer for saving our forests.

Squirrel’s nutty crusade to save the reds
With the red squirrel population dangling on the brink, AI has stepped in to help. The aptly named Squirrel Agent not only identifies reds and greys with 97% accuracy but ensures the greys get a side of contraceptive paste with their snacks. Conservationists hope this tech will halt the red decline, even tracking individual squirrels by their whiskers—as unique as pawprints.

WORLD

Vive la Notre-Dame
The phoenix of Paris has risen! Five years after the devastating fire that gutted Notre-Dame, the cathedral is ready to welcome the world once more. With its spire restored and its stained glass gleaming like a Christmas bauble, President Macron called it the “project of the century”. Over €840m later, the Gothic masterpiece is brighter and more breathtaking than ever.

Whale of a Time in New Zealand
Ruakaka Beach became the stage for a heroic community effort this week as more than 30 stranded pilot whales were saved by locals and conservationists wielding—of all things—bedsheets. The operation wasn’t without loss; four whales didn’t survive, but a moving Maori ceremony honoured their memory. With New Zealand’s geography causing over 5,000 strandings since 1840, these rescues are as vital as a brew on a cold morning.

Strikes gold!
China has unearthed the world’s largest gold deposit, worth a staggering £63bn. Hidden in the Wangu goldfield in Hunan, this treasure trove boasts over 1,000 tonnes of precious metal.

QUIZ TIME

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Cuppa Chat: Cheat Sheet

🎤👴🏼 At 92, Edwin Rayner has become a TikTok sensation, boasting nearly 500,000 followers after starting to sing again inspired by his late wife. Known as Grandad Sings, his journey began performing Elvis covers in Bournemouth care homes, leading to millions of views online.

🇬🇧🇮🇳 Ed Sheeran announces his "Mathematics Tour" for India, performing in six cities, including his first-ever Bhutan show and a return to Qatar after a decade.

🇯🇵🥛 Lawson in Japan debuts "Nomu mayo," a drinkable mayonnaise, amidst mixed reviews from mayo enthusiasts. The ¥198 drink is described as a novelty "mayonnaise-style drink," sparking curiosity and disdain alike.

🎄🎼 Sir Ed Davey, leader of the Liberal Democrats, is aiming for Christmas No.1 with "Love is Enough," a charity single created with Bath Philharmonia's Young Carers' Choir.

🧙‍♂️💰 Former Harry Potter star Rupert Grint loses a tax battle with HMRC, ordered to pay £1.8 million.

📈🇬🇧 Reddit has overtaken X to become the UK's fifth most popular social media platform, as reported by Ofcom. In order: YouTube, followed by Facebook and Messenger, Instagram, TikTok and then Reddit.