Land baron ⛰️

Happy Monday. Big birthday shoutout to start the week - the National Trust was founded on this day in 1895.

The National Trust owns more UK coastline than anyone else, more than 10% of the country’s entire coast (more than 780 miles, and is one of the UK’s biggest landowners with more than 250,000 hectares of land. Last year the charity made an annual income of £766m!

MARKETS

Data: Google Finance, 5-day Market Close

Notable UK earnings this week: Safestore holdings (SAFE), Frontier Developments (FDEV), Shoe Zone (SHOE), Knights Group (KGH).

Notable US earnings this week: JP Morgan Chase (JPM), Bank of America (BOA), Wells Fargo (WFC), Morgan Stanley (MS), Goldman Sachs (GS), Citigroup (C).

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PROJECT WATCH

🛣️ Balfour Beatty land £900m Midlands highways maintenance deal. Read more

🔌 National Grid update LionLink interconnector plans. Read more

🌊 Ithaca Energy hands out North Sea decom contract. Read more

BUSINESS & FINANCE

Greggs feeling the impact of weight loss jabs
Greggs has gone and had a health kick. Yes, the people who gifted us the vegan sausage roll now want to be your protein pot provider. The bakery chain has launched egg pots, overnight oats and protein drinks - because apparently, January isn’t miserable enough.

Leading the charge is CEO Roisin Currie, who’s battling not just waistlines but waistline medication. She’s pointed directly to the rise of appetite-suppressing drugs, like the increasingly popular GLP-1s, as trimming more than just the nation’s cravings. According to Currie, “there’s no doubt” the meds are impacting Greggs’ bottom line (as well as everybody else’s bottom line apparently).

Still, this trend isn’t just about pharmaceutical fasts. Currie insists it’s part of a broader health movement: smaller portions, more fibre, less guilt. So, while 1.3 million hot snacks are flying out the doors weekly - proof that sausage rolls are still a unifying national religion - Greggs has also flogged half a million egg pots since autumn. Presumably not all to gym bros.

RAC set for sale or stock market
The RAC - yes, the one you call when your car inconveniently gives up on the M25 - is being lined up for what could be a £5bn handover, or a stroll onto the stock market runway later this year. Its private equity owners, including CVC Capital Partners, Silver Lake, and Singapore’s GIC, are doing what private equity folk do best: calling in the investment bankers for a “beauty parade”.

Founded in 1897 - back when people broke down in carriages with actual horses - the RAC is now a modern behemoth, rescuing roughly 15 million of us each year from our own poor life choices (and shoddy clutches). But with those owners eyeing the exit, public listing seems to be the frontrunner.

Not to be outdone, arch rival AA is also polishing its assets. Its private equity backers - Towerbrook, Warburg Pincus and Stonepeak - have hired JP Morgan and Rothschild to “explore strategic options.” Translation: they’re also working out how best to cash out while the market still thinks breakdown firms are sexy.

POLITICS

Claws for concern
The UK is turning down the heat on its crustacean cuisine. In a move that’s equal parts science and sympathy, the government plans to ban the boiling of live lobsters, crabs, and their shellfish siblings by 2030. Turns out, these sea-dwellers have more than just tasty tails - they’ve got nociceptors, the fancy biological kit that lets them feel pain.

So, after centuries of screaming silently into the stockpot, they’re finally getting the legal recognition they deserve: sentient beings, not seafood with legs. The new law builds on the 2022 Sentience Act, turning symbolic sympathy into actual safeguards. It’s a boiling point for British ethics - and a cold splash for anyone planning crustacean canapés.

Eye spy a driving debate
Back on land, the government’s attention shifts from boiling water to blurry windscreens. With over 6 million UK drivers aged 70 and up, the Department for Transport is steering into sensitive territory: mandatory eyesight testing for older motorists. At present, it’s a case of “cross your heart and tick the box” - self-declared vision checks at licence renewal.

But with public pressure mounting and road safety statistics looking a bit foggy, officials are asking whether it’s time for a sharper view. The goal? Keep older drivers mobile, but make sure they’re not mistaking roundabouts for crop circles. Because while no one wants to take the keys off Gran, we’d all prefer she didn’t merge into Martin next door’s Marigolds.

Sweet dreams, junk food ads
Meanwhile, the telly’s going on a diet. From this week, junk food ads are off the menu before 9pm and banned outright online - part of a calorie-cutting crackdown to curb childhood obesity. That’s right, no more seductive slow-mo cheese pulls or chocolaty close-ups before bedtime. Goodbye, midnight cravings; hello, plain porridge.

The ban targets the usual suspects - sugary drinks, chocs, pizza, and even some rebellious cereals - with big brands still allowed to flash their logos, but not the gooey goods themselves. Smaller firms might feel the pinch more sharply, as product-specific ads get shelved. The government reckons this could swerve 20,000 childhood obesity cases. A slimmed-down viewing experience, perhaps - but one with bite.

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ACROSS THE POND

Exxon playing it cool on Venezuela
Donald Trump's attempt to channel his inner oil baron has resulted in a modest reception at the White House. He's asked for a cool $100bn (£75bn) in oil industry investments for Venezuela, but was met with the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for a vegan Christmas roast. Exxon chief exec plainly declared the current situation in Venezuela "uninvestable" - having twice had their assets seized there, it’s a case of once bitten, twice shy, and thrice even shyer.

Despite Venezuela lounging atop large energy reserves like a sloth with a hefty trust fund, oil bigwigs are cautious. Exxon chief Darren Woods pointed out they'd need a some dramatic improvements to even consider returning after their previous nationalisation ructions.

Venezuela's oil history is no fairy tale; mismanagement, scant investment, and sanctions have dwindled output to a paltry drop in global energy pools. Trump has made it clear that any dealings will be with the US directly, rather than Caracas.

Final steps for manned NASA return to moon orbit mission
NASA's colossal orbital juggernaut, poised to spin astronauts around the moon for the first time since bell-bottoms were in fashion, is primed to roll out to Florida’s Kennedy Space Centre. Mark your calendars for 17 January – assuming fine weather and no technical hitches.

In a parade that's more tortoise than hare, the 98-metre skyscraper-on-wheels will dawdle its way through a four-mile snail marathon that could take 12 hours. It's safe to say NASA's "crawler transporter" is in no rush, echoing the UK's leisurely Sunday roast tradition.

This mission, a sequel to the uncrewed Artemis 1 launch in the last decade, is the first in the Artemis moon return programme to carry astronauts.

TECH

Bricks, bans & billionaires
LEGO’s gone from plastic to practically sentient, unveiling Smart Bricks that light up, beep, and respond to motion - an innovation some critics fear could brick over kids’ imaginations. Once fuelled by sheer creativity and an errant foot injury, LEGO now wants to be your child’s first foray into physical-digital hybrid play. The Danish toy giant insists it’s not replacing imagination - just adding a few bells, whistles and Bluetooth.

Meanwhile, in Australia, government-mandated great teen social media ban - Snapchat, TikTok, Instagram, the lot - has now entered month two. Results? Mixed. Parents report a shift - more books, more brooding, and slightly less doomscrolling. Whether it’s a digital detox or just a temporary screen swap, it’s clear the kids are alright… or at least on WhatsApp.

Space, silicon & the future of you
2026 may be the year Earth finally goes on a property hunt - off-planet. With the International Space Station preparing for retirement, the private space race is heating up.

Vast’s Haven-1 could launch as early as May. Not to be outdone, Jeff Bezos’ Orbital Reef and Airbus’ Starlab promise robot arms, inflatable sleep pods, and orbital coworking. NASA’s hoping these ventures will save costs and spark a commercial cosmos, but with so many billionaires chasing stars, someone’s bound to lose orbit.

Elon Musk’s xAI just bagged a staggering $20bn in funding to build better AI models - and maybe, just maybe, topple ChatGPT from its throne. But OpenAI’s not taking it lying down. Enter ChatGPT Health, a new feature that invites users to share their fitness app data, medical records, and presumably their entire soul, in exchange for personalised health insights.

Privacy experts are sounding the alarm, but OpenAI insists your secrets are safe - unless, of course, the chatbot accidentally hallucinates a diagnosis. A futuristic health revolution, or a HIPAA violation waiting to happen? Time, like your wearable fitness tracker, will tell.

WORLD

Duolingo, deals & diplomacy
It’s been a long road - 25 years, no less - but the EU and Mercosur bloc (that’s Brazil, Argentina, Paraguay and Uruguay for those who’ve lost their trade map) have finally inked a trade deal. Brussels is billing it as a win-win: cheaper exports, climate pledges, and political bonding with benefits.

But not everyone’s raising a toast - French and Belgian farmers rolled out their tractors in protest, fearing an influx of bargain beef and sugar will flatten local markets like a steamroller in a cornfield. The ink’s barely dry, and it still needs EU Parliament’s approval, but geopolitically, it’s a pointed flex. A “bonjour” to multilateralism, and a “non merci” to global protectionism à la Trump.

Flowing nicely from global borders to linguistic ones, another revolution is quietly happening - in the form of tiny green owls. Duolingo, long the app of choice for procrastinating polyglots, is now a gateway to New Zealand’s universities. That’s right: Otago, Massey, Canterbury and Victoria are accepting Duolingo English Test scores from international students.

Faster, cheaper, and watched over by AI and online proctors, it’s the new IELTS-lite. Just don’t try cheating - unless you want to be out-owled by machine vision.