Let the games begin!

Fortunately, Snoop didn’t drop it, despite it being hot. We’re still not certain why, but Snoop Dogg carried the Olympic torch through its final stages before the opening ceremony of the Paris 2024 Olympic Games. We couldn’t be more pleased, good work Snoop.

The Olympic Games are great, but economically speaking, are they worth it? In general, probably not - they seldom turn a profit. Paris might be a different story, as of January it was on track to stay within its €8bn budget (at least €1.4bn of which was spent to clean the mucky river Seine), aiming to support the games with 95% of the existing or temporary infrastructure.

Building infrastructure from scratch to support the games is an expensive business. The Rio Games in 2016 cost a whopping £23.6bn primarily due to a brand new metro, light rail and bus system, making it the most expensive Olympics ever. London 2012 was a budget buster too, originally targeted to spend £2.4bn, it ended up costing £8.8bn. Sometimes it takes an Olympic Games to clean a river and update a rail network.

But less numbers talk, let the games begin carry on! Team GB picked up our first medal on day one - our first medal in women’s diving for 64 years!

MARKETS

Data: Google Finance, 7-day Market Close

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PROJECT WATCH

🏭 IKM Engineering & Environmental Consultants win design and engineering of Grangemouth LNG. Read more

🌊 Rovco win survey work for Green Volt wind farm offshore Scotland. Read more

🔋 Great British Energy partners with Crown Estate for clean energy projects. Read more

🚢 Fugro to start geotechnical survey work at Dogger Bank South West. Read more

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ECONOMY & FINANCE

NatWest bags Metro Bank mortgages as profits take a plunge.
NatWest’s first-half pre-tax operating profit slid by 16% to £3bn, but in this economy, that practically counts as a win. Despite the dip, it outshone analysts' dreary £2.6bn forecast.

Echoing the tunes of other banks, NatWest noted a 2.4% drop in net interest income—essentially the difference between what they charge us plebs for borrowing and what they give back to savings accounts.

In a Herculean shopping spree, NatWest has splashed £2.4bn in cash to snag around £2.5bn worth of residential mortgages from Metro Bank, adding approximately 10,000 borrowers to its burgeoning list. This caper follows last month’s retail banking assets grab from Sainsbury’s.

Clearly, the bank anticipates more good times ahead, adjusting its 2024 return on tangible equity forecast to over 14%, up from a paltry 12%. The full-year income forecast now stands at a hearty £14bn—good news for those holding shares!

Silver spoons don’t come cheap.
The Royal Family are about to get a little extra pocket money – £45 million to be exact – thanks to a surge in Crown Estate profits. The Crown Estate has raked in £1.1bn, a windfall from six new offshore wind farms. This means the Sovereign Grant, which covers the monarchy's running costs, will jump from £86.3m to a whopping £132m by 2025/26. Handy for a Buckingham Palace refurb and two shiny new choppers.

Remember last year when the funding pot was reduced from 25% to 12% of the net profits from the Crown Estate? That was to benefit us peasant folk, as the King himself wanted profits directed towards the public good. If it hadn't happened, the Royals would've been on for £275 million by 2025/26. Let that sink in.

On the flip side, the Royals are attempting to trim down their carbon footprint, but keep raising eyebrows. King Charles' Bentleys are to run on biofuel, and flights using sustainable aviation fuel – pragmatic, yet not enough as overall emissions creep up due to, shocker, increased business travels. Windsor Castle will see solar panels, and Buckingham Palace’s gas lanterns will go electric, preserving their historic glow.

A bad week for coppers as the penny drops.
We’re growing accustomed to having less spare cash lying around, that’ll soon be for change too. For the first time, no new 1p or 2p coins will be minted for general circulation. That's right, the penny might finally drop for good. Officials claim there's no immediate need for more coins with about 27 billion already circulating in the UK.

According to reports, the Treasury hasn't ordered new coins from the Royal Mint and doesn't plan to in the coming years. It's like getting stood up on a minting date. So, what happens to the coppers jangling at the bottom of your bag? They could become relics faster than you can say "decimalisation".

Future discussions will determine whether we bid adieu to the humble penny and its 2p cousin—last seen minted in 2021, with none produced from 2018 to 2020.

POLITICS

Chancellor Rachel Reeves is preparing to reveal a staggering public finance shortfall, with claims of a ‘black hole’ in government finances potentially exceeding £20bn. Reeves promises a transparent audit, while the Conservatives accuse Labour of fabricating a financial crisis to justify tax hikes.

In Surrey, the Green Party has expelled members allegedly engaging in tactical voting to unseat Jeremy Hunt. Among those expelled are councillors Steve Williams and Clare Weightman, who face a ban until 2029 for breaching party rules.

In the House of Lords, Lord Falconer’s new bill on assisted dying proposes allowing terminally ill adults to seek medical help to end their lives, with the approval of two doctors and the high court. Public figures like Dame Esther Rantzen, who is battling advanced lung cancer, support it, while critics warn of potential abuses and ethical dilemmas.

Jacob Rees-Mogg, once the face of Brexit, is at a crossroads after losing his seat. Not one to fade into obscurity, he’s starring in a fly-on-the-wall documentary and continuing his show “State of the Nation” on GB News. Whether he’ll make a political comeback or transition into a media mogul’s role remains to be seen.

Keir Starmer has made a significant foreign policy shift by abandoning the previous government’s plans to challenge the International Criminal Court’s arrest warrant for Benjamin Netanyahu. This decision aligns with Labour’s renewed support for Palestine, restoring funding to the UN’s Palestine relief agency and affirming the right of a Palestinian state.

ACROSS THE POND

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will make me president.
The call for unity across the pond didn’t last long. As we inch ever closer to the 2024 elections, another round of political mudslinging has begun in earnest. Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump seem to be taking different, yet equally barbed, approaches to their respective campaigns.

Kamala, from her new campaign HQ, is bracing for a showdown with Trump, labelling him as a “predator”, “fraudster”, and “cheater”—essentially a one-man crime wave. She's positioning herself as the seasoned prosecutor ready to take on his ilk.

Trump, however, ever the avant-garde in playground insults, has called Harris “dumb as a rock” on his favourite soapbox, Truth Social. He dished out further invectives during a Michigan rally, dubbing her “crazy”, “nuts”, and “Laughing Kamala.” One imagines his thesaurus must be worn thin.

Interestingly, Trump's jabs aren't solely Harris-centric. He’s called Biden “stupid” numerous times—13 to be exact (unlucky for Joe)—at his latest rally, broadening his net of disparagement to include almost anyone not named Donald Trump. This goes to show that despite the media narrative, Trump is all about equal opportunity - man or woman, you can be in the firing line all the same.

CrowdStrike’s $10 Uber miss.
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, last Friday's CrowdStrike update triggered a worldwide calamity for Windows machines, leading to the infamous Blue Screen of Death. Although fixes are rolling out faster than a queue at Greggs, many IT admins have spent the past week glued to their screens rather than enjoying a proper summer weekend.

Post-fiasco, CrowdStrike CEO George Kurtz faced the U.S. Congress to justify how one update could wreak such havoc. Understandably, it wasn't just Americans demanding answers. Meanwhile, a rather unimpressive "sorry" gift of $10 Uber Eats vouchers sparked more outrage when users discovered the codes didn’t work - Uber flagged the vouchers as fraudulent due to such high volumes. CrowdStrike insists these were only for partners, but good luck explaining that to hangry techs.

The financial costs of this debacle are eye-watering. Fortune 500 companies, especially in healthcare and banking, faced losses totalling £5.4bn. Still, shame about those Uber Eats vouchers!

TECH

Britain's quantum leap has received a £100m boost, aiming to establish five quantum technology hubs across England and Scotland.

In the realm of nuclear fusion, the UK is aiming for its own “NASA moment” with the Spherical Tokamak for Energy Production (STEP) project in Nottinghamshire. This ambitious endeavour seeks to recreate the sun’s energy process, potentially providing a cleaner, more efficient energy source.

On Mars, NASA's Perseverance rover has discovered a spotty rock named Cheyava Falls, sparking excitement among astrobiologists who believe it might host microbial life from billions of years ago. The rock's intriguing features suggest organic material and liquid flow, much like a Sunday roast. NASA plans to get the samples back to Earth for a closer look, but the mission is now delayed until 2040. Let’s hope Mars doesn’t charge London rates for long-term parking!

Staying with NASA, astronauts Butch Wilmore and Sunita Williams, intended to be on a week-long mission, are now extending their stay at the International Space Station indefinitely due to technical issues. Their Boeing Starliner capsule is experiencing a bit of a hiccup, with thrusters acting up and helium leaks reminiscent of a dodgy party balloon. NASA are taking their time to ensure a safe return, alternate options of return are being considered. There are not thought to be any Uber drivers in the area.

SpaceX is gearing up for its riskiest Starship test yet, aiming to land the rocket back on the pad using the Mechazilla tower's "chopsticks". This ambitious attempt marks a leap towards rapid reusability, crucial for Musk's Mars dreams. The exact launch date remains a mystery, but anticipation is high during these next few weeks.

On planet Hollywood, performers are striking against major video game makers over fears of generative AI. It’s a modern-day battle of David versus Goliath, with the Screen Actors Guild-American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (Sag-Aftra) leading the charge. The industrial action follows a year and a half of talks that have hit a stumbling block over AI protections.

Google’s search dominance might finally be under threat. In the competitive world of AI, OpenAI is stepping up its game with a new search engine prototype, SearchGPT. “SearchGPT it” doesn’t have the same ring somehow.

WORLD

In a move that could only be described as "French Chic meets Mad Max", the Paris Olympics was lit – literally. Just hours before the grand opening ceremony, France’s high-speed rail network suffered a fiery protest - for Olympic-goers and everyone else: what a pain in the, arson attacks left 800,000 travellers stranded. Think "Die Hard" meets "The French Connection", with a sprinkling of Gallic flair.

The Olympic opening ceremony was a cinematic extravaganza. With Céline Dion making a triumphant return from battling Stiff Person Syndrome, belting out classics from the Eiffel Tower, the event was part history lesson, part Moulin Rouge, and entirely under a biblical downpour that could have drowned Noah’s Ark. Athletes paraded down the Seine in a flotilla of boats, while Lady Gaga and Céline Dion competed for the title of most over-the-top performance.

One small hiccup struck when South Korean athletes were introduced as North Koreans during the opening ceremony. The IOC’s apology was as swift and predictable as a dad joke at Christmas dinner, showcasing the perils of live broadcasting and basic geography.

Team GB managed to snag early medals in cycling and diving. Meanwhile, South Sudan’s basketball team, the Bright Stars, made their Olympic debut, a heartwarming tale of triumph over adversity that Disney is probably already scripting for its next tear-jerker animation.

Not to be outdone in the drama department, Canada’s women’s football team decided to channel their inner Bond by using a drone to spy on their rivals. Coach Bev Priestman and her crew now face fines and bans.

Outside of the Olympics, the US Justice Department, in Texas, finally nabbed Ismael "El Mayo" Zambada García, the grandmaster of the Sinaloa cartel (bad guy), alongside Joaquín Guzmán López, son of the infamous "El Chapo".

In Brazil, a cattle rancher named Dirceu Kruger learned the hard way that deforesting the Amazon comes with a hefty price tag. Fined $50m for turning the rainforest into his personal BBQ pit, Kruger’s case sends a clear message: torch the lungs of the Earth, and you’ll be coughing up cash faster than you can say “Amazon Fine".

Cuppa Chat Cheat Sheet

🫖🇩🇪 East Frisia in Germany boasts the world's highest tea consumption with residents averaging 300 litres per capita annually. The region's unique tea ceremony, featuring rock sugar and cream, is a celebrated cultural heritage.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🤩 Eluned Morgan is set to become Wales' first female First Minister after securing the Welsh Labour leadership. She will assume office following a vote in the Senedd after Vaughan Gething's resignation.

🏅🏙️ The Paris 2024 Olympic Villages, set across three suburbs, aim to promote sustainability but have drawn global criticism for displacing residents. Urban regeneration for these villages has repurposed old industrial buildings, promising long-term benefits for the community.

👢🍌 Charles Jeffrey's £1,750 designer banana boots, inspired by Billy Connolly's iconic 1970s footwear, sold out in 24 hours. The Scottish designer emphasises humour in his fashion and has previously created stage outfits for celebrities like Harry Styles.

🎭🦸🏻‍♂️ Robert Downey Jr. returns to Marvel as Doctor Doom, set to appear in "Avengers: Doomsday" in May 2026 and "Secret Wars" in 2027. The announcement, featuring Downey Jr. in Doctor Doom's mask and cloak, was made at Comic-Con in San Diego.

🚓🎤 Justin Timberlake's lawyer stated the singer was "not intoxicated" during his recent arrest for driving under the influence. Timberlake, who was not present at the hearing due to his tour, will be re-arraigned virtually next month.

🎬✨ Carrie Fisher's iconic gold bikini from "Return of the Jedi" was auctioned for $175,000 (£136,000), among other notable film memorabilia.🪄⚡️ Items included Daniel Radcliffe's wand from "Harry Potter" ($52,000) and a miniature Starfighter from "Star Wars" ($1.5m).

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