Targets and KPI's 🎯

Happy Monday. Full disclosure - we’re behind.

As year end approaches, KPI’s, targets and end of year reviews come into focus, and it’s no different here at Teapot HQ - only we’re falling just short on our referral targets for the year.

So in the festive spirit, the season for giving, goodwill, and blatant begging in newsletter intros - if you could forward this email on to a colleague or friend for them to sign up too, it’ll mean the boss is off our back, and your friends will like you even more for sharing (maybe our end of year bonus would be back on too, who knows?).

MARKETS

Data: Google Finance, 5-day Market Close

Notable UK earnings this week: Ashtead Group (AHT), Chemring (CHG), Moonpig (MOON), Optima Health (OPT), Gateley (GTLY).

Notable US earnings this week: Broadcom (AVGO), Oracle (ORCL), Costco (COST), Adobe (ADBE).

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PROJECT WATCH

🌊 Subsea7 wins decommissioning work on UK Continental Shelf. Read more

🏥 £700m hospital in Scotland awaits final approval from ministers. Read more

BUSINESS & FINANCE

Construction sector hits a wall
'Tis the season to be jolly, unless you're in the UK construction sector, which just had its worst month since the pandemic—not quite the festive spirit. According to the latest S&P Global survey, November saw output fall off a scaffold, with the steepest drop in five and a half years. Naturally, the sector's been spooked by the Budget like it's a ghost of construction projects past.

Housebuilding and infrastructure took the brunt of the blow, with commercial construction also in intensive care, thanks to cautious investors nervously eyeing the Chancellor’s red box last month.

The PMI (Purchase Managers Index) reading dropped to a not-so-jolly 39.4, below the cheery benchmark of 50 that signals growth. That's the lowest figure since May 2020, i.e. full lockdown territory, when Britain was baking banana bread instead of bricks. Some economists however, say this doom and gloom might be a bit overdone—that now the budget is out of the way it will prove to be more drizzle than total washout.

Meanwhile, the Government's ambition to build 1.5 million homes by 2029 continues to look more aspirational than achievable. That’s 300,000 houses a year—numbers we haven’t seen since Harold Wilson and the Beatles were topping charts.

More cuts and closures for Poundland
If the end of Black Friday upsets any of you bargain hunters, brace yourself. Poundland is closing another 14 stores by February, as part of its rather bumpy comeback tour. That’s on top of the 100+ stores already waved off with a yellow sticker and a sad little A4 sign in the window.

The move to cut stores is part of a broader plan by new owners Gordon Brothers, who snapped up the entire chain for the princely sum of £1 earlier this year. That’s less than, well, pretty much everything now.

Once the dust settles early next year, Poundland expects to be left with somewhere between 650 and 700 stores—down from 800 at the start of the overhaul. A little Christmas trim, if you will. All part of a “simplifying the business” strategy that’s seen them re-embrace their £1, £2, and £3 price tags.

POLITICS

Puppy problems and pedigree politics
This week, Parliament finally put its paw down on puppy smuggling - third time’s the charm. A new law now bans importing underage puppies and kittens. It also blocks mutilated mutts - no more cropped ears or docked tails sneaking past customs in questionable conditions. Animal charities are calling it a triumph; some breeders and rescuers, however, are howling.

Still, not everyone is wagging their tails. Specialist breeders argue the new rules risk bottlenecking gene pools - there are only 150 Entlebucher Mountain Dogs in the UK, for instance.

Hire fire and higher ire
In Westminster's HR department, Labour’s grand plan for instant unfair dismissal protection has been politely nudged into 2027 - after businesses barked. Originally, workers were promised the right to claim unfair dismissal from day one. But after industry pushback, that’s been watered down to six months - still a leap from the current two-year wait.

So from January 2027, if you've lasted half a year, you're officially less disposable. The probation period idea has been shelved, but in an unexpected twist, compensation caps are also being binned. Yes, you could soon claim uncapped cash if you're unfairly shown the door - on par with discrimination and whistleblowing cases. So, to recap: puppies are safer, workers slightly safer, and anyone in HR might want a quiet lie-down.

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ACROSS THE POND

Netflix agree blockbuster deal for Warner Bros
The streaming giants are flexing their financial muscles. Netflix has reached a jaw-dropping agreement, coughing up a tidy sum of $72bn (or £54bn in real money) to snap up Warner Bros Discovery’s cinematic empire. This means adding heavyweight franchises like Harry Potter and Game of Thrones to its ever-expanding vault of binge-worthy goodness. Surely still second place to Wallace & Gromit this month.

The deal's journey thus far has been dramatic, with Netflix butting heads with the likes of Paramount and Comcast, Sky News' big bossy parent. Ultimately, Netflix emerged victorious.

Now, don't go throwing your popcorn in jubilation just yet. The acquisition isn’t likely to sail through regulatory scrutiny without a hitch. Concerns are rife on both sides of the pond, with EU and US watchdogs sharpening their pencils to argue about competition laws. The existing behemoth status of Netflix, courtesy of Stranger Things and Squid Game fame, has competitors like Paramount up in arms, crying foul like a Christmas pantomime villain.

FIFA Peace Prize?
The US, Canada and Mexico are set to jointly host the 2026 World Cup. If you were in any doubt as to whether or not the game has gone, the case has been put to bed as FIFA handed out their inaugural peace prize - awarded to Mr Donald Trump, president of the host country, the USA.

Whichever side of the fence you sit on regarding Trump’s suitability for the actual Nobel Peace Prize, many were left scratching their heads in unison as FIFA unveiled its very own version of the award, finally caving in to popular demand.. from absolutely nobody.

FIFA’s ceremony, akin to a game show, had Trump and his North American counterparts, Canada’s Mark Carney and Mexico’s Claudia Sheinbaum, standing at podiums rather than the football pitch. Of course, this spectacle would not be complete without a post-draw selfie, the digital age equivalent of a slightly reluctant group hug, orchestrated by none other than FIFA president Gianni Infantino.

TECH

Bans, bots and blue ticks
Australia is preparing to boot under-16s off platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube from next Wednesday. It’s one of the world's strictest crackdowns. Meta has already started locking teens out of their accounts, while other platforms are gently nudging them toward digital exile. Australia says the ban is about protection. Critics say it could just push kids underground - or onto even dodgier apps.

Meanwhile, Elon Musk’s platform X has been slapped with a €120m fine by the EU for being about as transparent as a foggy December window pane. The EU says Musk’s monetised blue ticks misled users and made scams easier, while the site’s ad database is less “open access” and more “escape room.” Brussels is flexing its regulatory biceps under the Digital Services Act, and X is first in the firing line.

Fire-fighting fidos and AI feuds
Robot dogs are joining the frontline in the fight against wildfires. Researchers in Bradford are sending these four-legged androids, drones, and 6G tech to Greece next year to sniff out smoke before fires go full inferno. It's all part of an EU-funded sci-fi-sounding project called 6G-VERSUS. The hope? Early detection, faster response, and fewer charred acres. West Yorkshire hasn’t adopted robot dogs yet, but they are curious.

Meanwhile, across the pond, the New York Times is suing Perplexity AI for allegedly stealing millions of its articles, including paywalled gems, to train its chatty AI. The lawsuit joins a growing list of publisher pile-ons accusing AI startups of digital daylight robbery. Perplexity, valued at $20bn and allegedly hallucinating NYT-style headlines, insists it’s just indexing pages and being terribly helpful.

WORLD

Eggs and errors
This one’s a gem. In a scene straight out of a budget Bond reboot, a man in Auckland attempted to swallow a Fabergé egg, encrusted with diamonds, sapphires, and an 18-carat golden octopus nestled inside. Our wannabe secret agent made it about as far as a Wetherspoons bathroom - he was caught minutes after the snack heist.

The locket has since been “recovered” via the body’s most natural courier service. Police confirmed “medical intervention was not required,” which is about the kindest way to describe what was almost certainly the most awkward game of hide the heirloom in police history. The man is also accused of stealing an iPad, cat litter, and flea treatment - clearly a man of varied tastes.

Chernobyl cracks
The ghost of another era is back in the headlines. The UN’s nuclear watchdog has confirmed that Chernobyl’s protective shield - the one built over the infamous 1986 meltdown - has lost its primary safety function after a drone strike. The structure, designed to last a century, is now in need of urgent TLC.